Survival mode: when seeking safety becomes our biggest threat

Paulina Allen, LMHC, EMDR Therapist

May 17, 2021

The brain has one primary function: keep us alive long enough to reproduce. Once survival and safety are taken care of, the brain can get back to its other very important duties like figuring out how to navigate relationships, planning for the future, and taking care of our other complex human needs.

But what happens when our mind and body believe that our safety is compromised? Scientifically speaking, the brain stem detects danger, the limbic system labels the situation as threatening, and the ever-perceptive vagus nerve sounds the alarm throughout our entire body sending us into a state of fight, flight, or freeze. That is what happens on the inside. But what presents on the outside can appear very different and might look like someone who is withdrawn, erratic, paranoid, or difficult. This evolutionary process is necessary for avoiding danger and is what allows us to slam on the brake when a car pulls out in front of us or seek well-lit areas when we feel someone walking a little too closely behind on our walk home.

When a person experiences trauma, whether a single incident, ongoing events, or neglect, that experience can become locked in the body and less-evolved areas of the brain, making it impossible for it to reach the part that is capable of saying “I’m safe now.” So, what does survival mode actually look like? The truth is, like trauma, survival can take on many different forms, which is why so many people go on believing that they are defective, incapable, or broken.

Without survival instincts we would have no way of differentiating between safety and danger. They are an amazing and complex part of the human story of evolution. In fact, the human propensity for social connection and emotional nurturance set us apart from most other animals. This not only allows us to be amazingly advanced creatures, but also creates the recipe for getting in our own way. The survival response becomes a problem when we are either in a perpetual state of preparation for battle or complete immobilization when no actual threat is present. Sure, our ego or our need to feel in control might be at risk, but the threat of imminent death is not actually there. We might be uncomfortable, but the emotional experience itself will not kill us. For people with unresolved trauma, it can be incredibly difficult to decipher life threat from temporary discomfort.

So how do you know if you are in survival mode? This is difficult to answer for a few reasons but mainly because trauma affects everyone in a unique way and can leave vastly different imprints on relationships, identity, or ability to self-soothe. The best way to start understanding your behaviors and how they may relate to your past is by speaking with a qualified professional. If you notice yourself falling into patterns that make it difficult to connect with others, interfere with your ability to love yourself, or feel so overwhelmed with emotions and struggle to understand why, you might find it useful to speak with a therapist or other mental health professional.

Sadly, our society and even some mental health workers think that telling a traumatized mind “toughen up,” “you’ll get over it,” or “that happened a long time ago” are effective pep talks for managing and resolving trauma. On a very basic level that should work, right? After all, repeating more reality based and adaptive statements is at the very core of cognitive behavioral therapy; a form of therapy that is evidence-based and proven to be effective at treating things like depression and anxiety.

So why don’t locker room speeches work for treating trauma? Cognitive based interventions can be highly effective in the treatment of trauma. The problem lies in the fact that the brain is an incredibly complex organ with various parts, each with its own function. These different parts can go “offline,” making it extremely difficult to process situations rationally much less tell the difference between safety and danger, pleasure and pain, healthy and unhealthy. When the neocortex (or the brain’s rational processing system) is offline, all we know is survival and no amount of CBT is going to change that. In order for talk therapy alone to be effective, all parts of the brain need to be in the conversation, and we all know that the mere thought of talking about the trauma can cause the entire system to shut down.

If you feel that you are in a constant state of survival, know that you are not defective. Your body is working overtime to protect you in the only way it knows how. With support, education, and the help of a licensed professional who can communicate with the trauma on its deepest level, your brain can re-learn its protective responsibilities and you can break free from survival mode.